Will vs. Strength

Why we push ourselves out and go live somewhere without a proper safety net, putting ourselves in situations where things aren’t as self-evident anymore? And how can we keep up with all the challenges, surviving things one after another and still see sense in it all?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about a change of phrases that could lead to the change of perspective. They say it helps to motivate yourself if you say ‘I want to do this’ instead of ‘I need/must… do this’. But what bothered me is the ‘I can’t do this, this is just not possible for me to do…’. Is there really anything, besides things limited by physics and ethics, that we genuinely cannot do?

Maybe we should start saying ‘I don’t want to do that’ and lift from ourselves the burden of incapability, defeat and fear. Let us know that if we wanted to, we would somehow manage (because truth be told we always do when we have to), but are deciding not to – for whatever reason. We have the freedom to say no to things, but if we decide for ourselves what we want to do or not and in the same time know why, we might perceive ourselves differently and feel much stronger as well. We could take back the responsibility and the freedom to choose without the pressure of fear.

There has been so many things in the last few weeks and months that I had to go through and by that I mean overcome totally by myself that I started wondering where the limit is. I said ”I’m done, I’ve had enough…” and collapsed so many times that I, as they say, simply stopped counting. Even the simple idea of me learning new things about myself and my personal strength became unbearable – I didn’t want more of these wannabe lessons and trials I couldn’t believe in anymore. But I still kept going. Somehow. Not sure how.

Is it really all just motivation? That idea you have in mind on why you’re doing this and why, in a way, you don’t have a choice anymore once you made your decision. Now, you’re here – deal with it. Now, you cannot give up. And to be honest, you know quite well why – because you don’t want to. Because every fibre in your body says it’s not time yet. Because you’ve developed some weird trust in yourself on the way here which you now can’t let go. Because you now know you can do this and you choose to do it again and again and again.

And so, the more you go through, the more you can go through. Personally, I find this one of the most valuable lessons in life.

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